Spaghetti with a side of B.S.

I used to think I wanted to be a weatherman. You know all the talk; they can be wrong all the time, they can be vague, they can just say something unexpected happened and that is why they were wrong etc. I have found a better job though. I want to be a "hurricane track predictor" (or whatever their exact title is. You have seen these charts. Many of the predicted courses will make sense. There are always a couple that vary from most but still look like they are determined through the use of valid science. Then there is always at least one that looks like a stoned teenager with a crayon wanted to have a little fun with the map.

I don't blame the stoned teenager... they are stoned and having fun. That is what they do. I blame the television station for not removing the senseless squiggled line from their weather report. Is the weather department so blind that they don't see how worthless it makes their predictions look?

THIN SKIN

There has been a big stink made the last few years anytime any sports commentator makes a military reference about a sporting event. People need to grow some thicker skin. I have heard some people in sports use analogies that were weak, stupid or even down-right offensive. This doesn't mean the person should be crucified for using them (I hope I didn't offend with my use of "crucified"). Personally, I do not see the problem with comparing different parts of sporting events to military situations, events or terms. There was a story in the paper the other day criticizing an NFL color commentator for saying that a player was hurt by "friendly fire. " If you don't understand what "friendly fire" is, it happens when a player hurts their own teammate while trying to deliver a hit on an opposing player. You have got to be kidding me. Who did this offend? I didn't note who the commentator was. It is not important. I don't know what was in their mind but I am pretty sure they weren't trying to say that the injured defensive back deserved a Purple Heart. It was simply a quick and clear way to describe what he saw happen.

I understand that there are "taboo" military/war subjects that should not be used to describe sports or anything else but I think, for the most part, analogies used in sports do not fall into this category.

Now relax and get ready to watch your favorite team as they prepare to do battle.

What the heck is going on???

Memo to 7-Eleven... have Mountain Dew slurpees ready for me when I want them. Since there is no way for you to know when I will want one, go ahead and have them ready at all times. I visited 2 locations on my birthday. One had Mountain Dew but it wasn't frozen. The second didn't have Mountain Dew. I figured I would get one the next day and be happy. Now the location that has always had them, has removed Mountain Dew all together.

They are going to make me angry.... they won't like me when I am angry.

Ron White says "...if you kill someone, we'll kill you back"

My thoughts for today deal with the death penalty. My opinion on the use of the death penalty does not really matter. I saw two stories recently that peaked my interest.

In Virginia recently, the first woman was put to death in the U.S. in five years. Teresa Lewis, 41, was put to death for arranging the killings of her husband and step-son over insurance money. More than 7300 appeals were made to the governor in attempts to stop the execution. Why is it that there seems to be much more opposition to execution when it comes to women? In my mind, you are either for or against the death penalty. If someone has been found guilty of a crime so heinous that they were sentenced to death, it shouldn't matter what gender they are.

On to my next losers. Brandon Rhode, 31, attempted suicide hours before his death sentence was to be carried out in Georgia. He slit his wrists and throat (apparently not good enough because he survived). Now, the losers I referred to.... the Georgia Supreme Court. They delayed his execution. Rhode's attorney said the attempted suicide shows he is incompetent and executing him violates the constitutional ban of cruel and unusual punishment. I understand, you don't want the convict to be able to cause his own death. You want the state's punishment to be administered but I don't see any reason not to simply bandage him up, or coterize his wounds with a branding iron and continue with the injections.

I really do wish the world's confused would seek my guidance.

marketing genius

"I bet if we don't show the game on television, fans will be forced to buy up all the tickets and we will have a sell out." "good idea bro" "we are so cool"

A local radio station was giving away tickets to this week's preseason game against the Jaguars. The tickets were to be left at the station's front desk. The winner had to claim them Friday. I wanted to call in (but couldn't be bothered enough since it was about the Bucs). I wanted to tell them, if I won, I was going to come to the radio station and leave more tickets instead of taking theirs.

A Buccaneer preseason game against the Jaguars is so far off my radar screen that I am glad it is not on television. I just hope they don't think people care, especially on a Saturday night where the Rays are playing the Red Sox.

Now, as far as the state of the Buccaneers and blackouts, I blame Hillsborough County politicians. I blame the people who cut the stadium deal with the Glazers. They gave away the house to a trailer park slumlord ownership group. They gave away the stadium, the parking, the vending for Buccaneer games and any other event at the stadium (USF games, concerts, tractor pulls etc.) The deal should have included guidelines for ownership. Maybe something like, team payroll must be at least league average or they lose the rights to vending, parking and proceeds from other events. Or how about something tied to record. If the deal had forced the Glazers to show some sort of effort to field a competitive team, I think they would do just that.

Frogger

Is it really THAT difficult to know when to cross a street and when not to cross a street? First Clearwater started cracking down on jaywalkers. Now I see Tampa is getting a huge federal grant to enforce jaywalking laws. Personal freedoms continue to erode as well as needed natural selection.

Clearwater cracked down on people crossing Gulf-to-Bay illegally. At first I thought, good. Keep these idiots out of my way. Then I looked more closely at what they were cracking down on. They were targeting people who cross the street without using a crosswalk. There are stretches that seem to go for over a mile without a light or crosswalk. If I am right in the middle and want to go to a store directly across the street, I should be able to use my brain and cross the road on foot, when safe and not have to make a 2 mile or more round trip.

The people they should be targeting are the ones that cross in the crosswalk at the wrong time. I don't know how many times I have seen someone cross at a bad time, oblivious to the lights. Even worse are the people that stand on the corner when they should be walking and right when the light changes against them, proceed to step out. I have seen people jump back and others that continue to slowly cross blocking traffic with a green light.

I say, save the money on enforcement. I bet we could spend less on clean up crews. The more we prevent natural selection, the weaker we become as a species.

When did it become acceptable to just "be in the way"? It seems more and more, everywhere I go, there are people in my way. These people seem to have no clue that anyone else is on the planet with them and yet these people are everywhere. Go to the mall. Try to drive anywhere. Attend a sporting event. Go to the beach. Go to an amusement park. Visit any store like a Target or Walmart or Sam's Club. The list goes on and on and on and on. If you want a self administered stress test on your heart, just try navigating your way through a grocery store with a shopping cart.

I swear one of these times I am gonna snap. As you sit with your shopping cart sideways across the
aisle so you can read all the nutrition labels on the cookies, I am going to ram my shopping cart right up your back side and knock you into the display. My less violent solution is to wait until you are distracted enough so I can make off with your shopping cart. I have options from this point. I could do a lot of extra shopping for you and leave your cart at the other end of the store. I could wheel it into the back storage area just to hide it or maybe I will find a can of cheese whiz and spray it all over the cart.

For you people on the road, we need legislation permitting the use of of justifiable pitt maneuvers. I will do my best not to hurt you but if I see fit, I will get you off the road and out of the way.

When I was a kid my dad always used to tell me "get out of the middle of the road." His meaning? if I needed to do something that I would potentially be in the way; tie my shoe, read a sign, window shop, whatever, I needed to move to the side, out of the way. I will feel proud enforcing his rule.

Oh, and one more thing. When we approach each other, move to the right or risk me clipping you and tearing your ACL.

The older I get, the more I recognize the disparity in the levels of intelligence and common sense

The "news" never ceases to amaze...

Pasco County has fired substitute teacher Jim Piculas. It seems Jim does a magic trick where he makes a toothpick disappear and then reappear. This sounds pretty lame enough. He did his trick in front of a middle school class. He was called in to see the supervisor of substitute teachers and told that he can no longer substitute. Jim asked why and was told "You've been accused of wizardry." Makes me wonder just who we are dealing with in the Pasco County schools or... where was he making this toothpick "disappear."

Elsewhere...
There was a case of "road rage" on the Howard Frankland Bridge Tuesday around 4pm Tuesday. A woman, upset with another driver, stopped her car to block traffic. She then proceeded to challenge the male driver to a fight. When he declined, she jumped on his hood, pounded on his car and finally decided the best way to "get him" was to take off her shirt and flash him. That'll teach him.

In Port Richey a 25 year old man chased down a sheriff's deputy for help. A woman had put handcuffs on him. Once on, they found out they were real and had no key. He was somehow able to pick one but couldn't get the second off. He thought it was a good idea to ask a deputy for help. Before uncuffing the man, the deputy asked to pat him down for weapons. That is when he found a hypodermic needle and nine xanax pills. The deputy put the cuff back on the hand the man was previously able to pick and took him to jail on drug charges.

Like I always say people, keep up the good work. I need the entertainment and Darwinists need the data.

I never run out of material

Your tax dollars are being put to the test again.

The city of Clearwater is struggling to make ends meet like every community in the United States. The city decided to spend nearly a half a million dollars to upgrade the main life guard station on Clearwater Beach. The plan is to add a 3rd floor so they can see the entire beach better. This price alone sounds high to me to start with but the problem comes in because of the federal American's with Disabilities Act. I am all for the access this law mandates in many situations. The problem here is, the city applied for a waiver from the state to not have to upgrade to make the 2nd and 3rd floors handicapped accessible. The building is only used by able bodies life guards. Nobody would need to use the facility that couldn't walk up and down stairs.

The head lifeguard said "it's odd. Obviously no one here is handicapped. No one in a wheelchair has ever asked to come up here (2nd floor)."

The director of the Clearwater parks and recreation director, in charge of the lifeguards, said "Our premise was that a lifeguard has to be physically fit. If you can't go down stairs, you can't be a lifeguard and the building isn't open to the public." Then he said the kicker "common sense doesn't really play into it." The state is worried that if the public wants to take a tour then it needs to be accessible.

It is not known yet how much it will cost to install a 3 story wheel chair lift. The city installed one by mandate at Bright House Field in the home dugout for $18,000. I think this only lifts about 4 feet. It has not been used in the seven years since. I can only imagine how much a 3 story lift will cost. I guess we will just have to close a library or cut back on emergency services to pay for it.

I honestly have no idea who Lindsay Lohan is but my thoughts anyway

Lindsay Lohan was arrested in May of 2007 for DUI after crashing her Mercedes in Beverly Hills. She went to rehab. Two months later she was arrested for DUI and cocaine possession after a woman called police to report that Lohan was trying to run her down with her car. At that time, she spent 84 minutes in jail.

Today she was sentenced to 90 days in prison for probation violation. I have so many problems with "the rest of the story."

She will have to suffer in her 12' by 8' cell segregated from the rest of the jail. I don't feel sorry for the size of the cell and I understand the segregation. I am fine with that.

Because of overcrowding, her 90 day term is likely to last only around 14 days. That is ridiculous. I don't think any sentence under one year should be shortened especially when that sentence is a result of first being given probation and not being able to abide by it. She basically thumbed her nose at her probation and is barely being punished for it.

Now, for the courtroom, the judge placed restrictions on what the public could see at today's hearing. Photos were not allowed to be taken of her in handcuffs. Was the judge worried this could embarrass her? I would have mandated that photos will be taken of her during her stay in as pathetic appearance as possible. Hair not done, no make up, scrubby clothes. This could help encourage her to stay out of trouble.

Finally, I heard she had the option to go to a posh facility if she was willing to pay around $150 per day. It is a much nicer facility but she would have to serve the full 90 days. What? I didn't realize you had the option to upgrade to first class. I knew nicer, half way house type facilities existed but I thought the decision to send you there was up to the judge or sheriff, not the criminal's travel budget.

What happened to the good ol' days when a all the women were put into one big room full of bunk beds. The block was run by the biggest, toughest, ugliest dyke and all the women looked forward to shower time?

Lights... Camera... Action!

I want to thank stupid people for entertaining me. It seems every day I find another example of someone willing to risk their personal safety just to make me laugh, even if that isn't the reason they are doing it. While I am at it, I want to thank cell phone makers for including the ability to record video with their devices. Without these, the world would not be blessed with so many great videos.

I am a big fan of television shows that highlight these "entertainers." Everything from people crashing, blowing themselves up and breaking bones. I saw a guy try to ride his surfboard off the roof of a house. He of course crashed but the best part was, as he lay on his back, the surfboard came crashing down point first into his groin. Beautiful. Perhaps the best one I ever saw was a teenager crashing off his skateboard. It wasn't so much the crash as it was him saying something to the effect of "dude! I think I broke my arm." He says this as his forearm is bent nearly 90 degrees like he had a second elbow installed. Now, I am not a doctor, but I am not going to wait to see the X-rays before I give my diagnosis. I could barely watch the entire video through the tears in my eyes. I don't know when I have laughed so hard.

Keep up the good work and keep those cameras rolling.

We have a 2 way tie for 2nd place

I saw a story titled " The Hills comes to an end: What are your top moments?" and I thought shouldn't that be "The Hills comes to an end: What a top moment." I did see parts of many of these shows as they were on in the background at home while I kept busy with other duties. I said to myself "self, you must be able to come up with 3 things you liked about the show." So I thought, ok, the show coming to an end is one. Now I just need to think of 2 other things... so I thought... and I thought... and I thought...

Congratulations, you made the news

A new, non-invasive method for reducing fat is in use. The desired area of reduction is "frozen." The fat cells are slightly damaged. The procedure takes about an hour. You will be swollen for a couple of weeks. It can then take up to about 6 weeks for your body to eliminate the damaged fat cells leaving you thinner and more toned. The cost is around $500 per treatment. So first, the doctors get $500 per treatment for about 6 weeks or so before the patient realizes if the treatments are working or if they are getting ripped off at $500 a pop.

Second, whenever a story like this comes out in print or on television, they almost always include the obligatory fat people pictures or videos showing only their asses and/or torsos. They either cut off their faces from the shot or obscure them. The photo above was the photo that accompanied the story about this "fat freezing" procedure. Now don't you think this woman and any close friends and family will look at that picture with no face and say "hey, that's Bertha! I'd know that ass anywhere. She always wears that white shirt and them giant gray pants." I just hope I don't ever open a story about how bad fast food can be for you and see a picture of my ass cause I am pretty sure I'd recognize myself even if you blurred my face.

Love the American spirit

As I drove across the Courtney Campbell Causeway this morning, I thought about this great country. I thought about what it means to be "free." I thought about all the Independence Day means to us. It was good to see the American spirit is alive and well. I am sure it was a scene replayed countless times all across this country, from sea to shining sea. I know the Tampa Bay area isn't alone in this special blessing.

I, of course, am talking about that great American ideal of leaving all your SHIT around for someone else to clean up. There was garbage lining the entire causeway from end to end. There was burnt out fireworks, there was cardboard wrappers, there was bag after bag. It was shameful. Would it have been so difficult to bag up your trash and take it home? How about, at the bare minimum, bagging it and putting it in or next to the closest garbage can? Is that too much to ask?

I can only imagine that some/many of the people that left their patriotic decoration are some of the very same people crying about oil ruining our shores. Do you think none of this will end up in our water for years or decades to come? Some are the very same people crying that our taxes are too high. Who do you think will be cleaning this up and how will that cost be paid? Maybe we should close another library so we can afford to clean up after you.

Way to go America.

I bet Mel will tell you Jesus had a middle name

Mel Gibson is at it again. The "Christian fundamentalist" was caught on tape saying some things to his ex-girlfriend/baby momma, Oksana Grigorieva.

If you remember, Mel was in some hot water in 2006 when he was arrested for drunk driving. Mel attacked the officers with obscenities. He said "F**king Jews... the Jews are responsible for all the wars in the world." This was the comment that got him in hot water. This I think showed his softer side that we don't always see in his tough guy rolls in film. I do give him props for trying to be funny as well. There was another comment that I think you couldn't help but laugh at. He allegedly said to a female officer, "What do you think you're looking at sugar t*ts?" I wonder what her response was?

His latest outburst came during arguments with his ex. He tells her "You're an embarrassment to me... You look like a F**king pig in heat, and if you get raped by a pack of N***ers, it will be your fault." (perhaps just an unpolished compliment?) During the "conversation" he refers to her as a "whore" and a "c**t." (tems of endearment?) He warns that "I am going to come and burn the F**king house down... but you will bl*w me first." (creative foreplay?)

At one point, Mel tells her, "you're a bitch". Oksana replies "I didn't do anything." Mel, with the craftiness of the average 2nd grader responds "did so." (trying to show his playful side?)

Mel continues with "look what you did to me... look what you are... look what every part of you is.. f**king fake... f**king fake. You are the most synthetic person... who the f**k are you?"

And then there is this gem. Mel tells Oksana "How dare you act like such a bitch when I have been so f**king nice." He does have a point here. I can't understand why these two love-birds aren't living happily ever after. I mean, he has been very nice to her.

I never saw The Passion of the Christ but I may have missed a good one. I am wondering how Mel's fundamentalist interpretation of the bible comes through in his directing.

Amazing new technology

I saw that this week in Dallas, the National Federation of the Blind is holding their annual convention. A vehicle has been designed in a joint venture for the federation and Virginia Tech. A Ford Escape has been built that operates by nonvisual interface technology using a pair of gloves equipped with vibrating motors that tell the driver which way to steer. This technology will allow a blind person to drive.

Plans are to demonstrate the vehicle in January at the Daytona International Speedway.

My first reaction was, I am all for enriching the lives of those less fortunate. I see how the thought of this technology would raise the hopes of the blind to become more independent. I just don't see how this could really be used on public streets. I see that this could work if the environment the vehicle is travelling in is static like an empty race track. It is not practical in the real world. There are far too many risks involved. It is crazy to think a blind person could be driving down the road at you and relying on sensors to avoid you and other moving objects.

Then I thought about it a while and realized... women are allowed to drive. Can a blind person be any more dangerous?

It feels good to be nice

Leaving the supermarket tonight, I was asked by a young man if I could "help him out with a gallon of gas." He was fairly well dressed and quite polite. He got my attention by saying "excuse me sir." When he asked me to help him with a gallon of gas, I had many thoughts flying through my brain with how to respond. Do I tell him about my financial situation? I could go on and on about the expenses of owning a home, 2 vehicles and raising 4 kids. I bet he doesn't realize how much money I have spent at Sam's Club on food, formula, diapers and wipes for twins over the last year and a half. Summer camps, clothes and sports ain't cheap. Or, I could have helped him by giving directions to the nearest filling station, after all, Publix doesn't sell gas. I thought about telling him if he is looking for a job, I did not work there. He would have to go inside to apply. Perhaps I could have screamed him down and reported him to store management so they could ask him to leave the property. One thought that didn't enter my mind was seeing if I had the $2.849 needed to get a gallon of gas. Although it could have been fun telling him I was trying to find 9/10ths of a cent in my change cup. No, I decided to reward him with a response matching the same manners he showed me. I replied "No, but thank you for asking." He gave an odd look. He looked a little befuddled. He obviously hadn't been prepared for such a polite response and didn't know how to continue his sales pitch. He walked on to a couple leaving the store. I hope he does well. Lord knows we could all use help with a gallon of gas these days.

Where do these people come from and how do we sanitize them from the gene pool?

I am sorry. I owe Michael Jackson an apology. I thought he was as big a freak as I had ever seen. I couldn't imagine that he would be out done until yesterday, the 1st anniversary of his death. I was watching the news. I have seen some disturbing things but I felt utter horror as I watched people "honoring" the anniversary. People travelling to gather at the Neverland Ranch or the cemetery where he is buried or just "celebrating" where ever they could. Losers like Cindy Montrichard who flew in from Toronto. She said "It's the very least I could do to show him how much I cared, and how much I still care." Be at peace Cindy. I am sure he knows and is comforted to know that you care. He thanks you, I thank you and Corey Feldman thanks you

There were losers dancing, losers in white hats and glove and losers to the extreme in complete costume. One actually appeared to me to have had a nose job to replicate the thing on MJ's face that he called a nose.

After watching that, MJ actually started to look normal.

the language of the future

It seems in the U.S. today you need to learn spanish in order to survive. I see this as only a short term issue. Eventually, China is going to own the U.S. and then we will need to learn to speak, read and write the perscribed language of Chinese for Americans. I, of course, am talking about Engrish (also known to some as Chinglish although I don't know how since there is an L in chingLish). Watch any travel show about China or do a search on Engrish and you will see examples of the complexity of this language.

You would think a country trying to force itself into the lead as the world's dominant industrial superpower would be able to hire a few $50k - $100k english translators to help them out.

We all need to start learning how to speak without the use of "L".... the future will be here before you know it.

You better berieve that

What's next?

Note to self... don't hang out with Rick Oliver.

Oliver, 51, was struck by lightning in 2006. Since then he has had trouble sleeping. Some nights he goes outside checking on his chickens, working on his tractors or working on his car, as he was doing late at night June 3rd at his home/farm near Raleigh, NC. Around 2am he heard a noise. When he turned around, he was attacked by a black bear. He suffered deep lacerations but will survive.

I bet he has a hard time getting anyone to hang out with him.

On a side note... feel free to stop the leaking anytime now. It is really getting ridiculous. Can't anyone do something to put an end to it? of course I am talking about the Rays drastic slide out of first place in the east.

Get off the sidewalk, I'm trying to drive here

The state of Florida through the Florida Department of Highway Safety and Motor Vehicles along with AAA and AARP have created a program called CarFit. This is a new service to help senior citizens stay safe behind the wheel.

The program has certified technicians that will go through a checklist to make sure the senior is in the correct position behind the wheel. Ann Howard of the DHSMV said "Because you need to have those mirors in the right place, the seat adjusted, the steering wheel. Sometimes folks get in their cars and just leave them as-is without ever adjusting them for months. We want to make sure the folks know that your car has to fit you and it can be adjusted so that it's perfect, and therefor increasing your safety in the vehicle."

Florida has over two million drivers between 65 and 74 and about a quarter-million over 85. A report shows that over 20 percent of drivers over 85 suffer from some degree of dementia.

Well, they may have dementia but thank goodness they will have their mirrors properly adjusted. How about this idea... if they have dementia, disable their car so it won't move. If they are in rough enough shape, they probably won't notice. Or how about this, Let's put the "safety" back into the Department of Highway Safety and Motor Vehicles by taking away their license and car. Just a thought.

Come on...get up. You're OK.

My idea to help soccer... implement a penalty box. If the referee decides you took a dive you can be penalized for varying time periods depending on the situation (maybe 5, 10 or 20 minutes). Do not penalize with a card unless it is the second offense by a player in one game. I think the risk of a card is little deterrent to a diver (see any recent match). Players will not go down as easily if they face a penalty that takes them off the field where they are not replaced.

Here is another thought... if you ARE going to take a dive, please do us all a favor and at least grab the body part that was hit. If you are hit in the chest, do not grab your face. If you are kicked in the shin, do not act like you were shot in the groin. This may have been acceptable to fans years ago or even today in a local match with little television coverage but it does not fly in the World Cup when there are countless cameras trained on the match recording in HD. We can see when you are barely touched in the shoulder and you act like someone has just driven a bayonet through your throat. Stop it.

F.I.F.A. should allow a video referee that is reviewing the game as it is played to blow a horn to halt play. The field referee could then be alerted to the problem. The play in question could be replayed on the big screen for all to see. The field referee could then assess the penalty to the player taking the dive. Play would continue while the offender serves their time in the box.

This player would then be forced to put on a pink armband for the duration of the match signifying that they are a "convicted" diver.

There you go F.I.F.A. DONE! You are welcome.

Juliet ripped Romeo's beer can in half and kicked him in the nuts

I really can't add much to this story but I will try at the end.

LAND O'LAKES — At 8:30 Wednesday night, a 53-year-old man sat in a chair, drinking the last beer in the house.

His girlfriend wanted it.

Elizabeth Breeden, 41, "went off" on him and tried to grab it out of his hand at their home on McKaig Lane in Land O'Lakes, according to the Pasco County Sheriff's Office.

He wouldn't let go.

Breeden ripped the Natural Light can in half, spilling the lager on her boyfriend, his chair and the floor, a report states. The boyfriend stood up. Breeden slapped him in the face. Then she kicked him in the groin, authorities said.

Breeden told a deputy that her boyfriend kicked her and threw beer on her, which is why she ripped the can in half.

She was arrested and charged with domestic battery. This is her 18th arrest since 1999 — with charges such as possession of cocaine, shoplifting, fraud and failing to appear in court, according to the Florida Department of Law Enforcement.

The boyfriend told authorities he started dating Breeden in February and she moved in with him in May. He didn't want to press charges, the report states.

As of Thursday, Breeden was being held at the Pasco County jail in lieu of $1,000 bail. The report said Breeden was "extremely intoxicated" and there were "numerous Natural Light beer cans in the trash can."

Let's review a few of the "shocking" things about this story

1. This happened in Pasco county
2. It involved numerous cans of Natural Light
3. This "woman" was able to "rip a beer can in half"
4. The tussle included a slap and a kick to the nuts

I just hope this couple works things out and can continue to "live the dream." I sure would hate to see her 19th arrest put a damper on the fairy tale.

Welcome to increased speeding taxes

The Federal Aviation Administration has been asked to permit the use of pilot less planes (drones) to carry out civilian and law-enforcement functions in the United States but has not to this point. The fear is that they could interfere with or crash into other manned aircraft. Drones come in various sizes. There are two main types. Automated planes programmed to fly a mission and the type that are remotely controlled by someone on the ground.

Some of the reasons for their use that I see as legitimate:

1. Tornado researchers want to send them into storms to gather data
2. Oil and gas companies want to monitor pipelines
3. Homeland Security wants to use in border patrol
4. The Coast Guard wants to use for search and rescue.
5. Law enforcement could use them to track fleeing suspects
   

Now, besides the obvious risks to other aircraft and people on the ground I have even a bigger problem with the use of these drones. My biggest fear comes from distrust of our government officials. There is the obvious thoughts of "big brother" watching us but they already have the capability to do this in many ways.

More importantly, there was a seemingly minor line in the story. "State police hope to send them up to capture images of speeding car's license plates." How far do we really have to go to catch someone driving over the speed limit? What is law enforcement's role in regards to speeding? I believe it is to provide safety and security to the public. In other words, prevent excessive and dangerous speed that risks injury to law abiding citizens. This could be done in ways that do not involve tickets. The problem is, this is not profitable. I think law enforcement has taken on the task of tax collector. Do we really need a Predator drone searching for speeders to write tickets? How much money do you think this drone would have to collect in tax/fine revenue to just pay for itself. You can be sure if an agency gets one, they will use it to turn a profit. Be ready... the tax man comes.

True story, I was driving down a major road and witnessed a car swerving and driving erratically. In a span of about 1 mile I, along with a passenger, saw this vehicle nearly hit 10 cars. He was swerving, accelerating and slowing in such a way that he looked like he was trying to cause an accident. It was so bad that I actually thought I needed to do something. I could have ignored it, pulled into my office and gone about my day but it was so bad that I couldn't. I knew where a county sheriff often sits for a speed trap. I turned and pulled up to the sheriff's vehicle as the "suspect's" beat up Volvo continued on. The deputy was sitting with his radar gun aimed down the road. I told him what I had just seen. Yes, I know....snitch. Believe me, I thought about this but decided it was worth it if it prevented an innocent person from getting hurt. So you ask, how fast did he pursue the vehicle to put an end to it? Did he spin his tires as he went after him to protect the public? Nope. He said "I didn't see it". Yes, I realize you didn't see it. That is why I, as a concerned citizen, am alerting you to this so you can pull out and see it for yourself and put a stop to it. "He is going to cause an accident or kill someone." Here it comes. Poncherello is going to spring into action. Again nothing but "there is nothing I can do if I didn't see it." I almost apologized for blocking his radar gun. I half way expected to get pulled over for blocking a travel lane as I drove off. If only there had been a drone in the air. They could have mailed me a ticket.

All hail the Vuvuzela

Oh the sweet sound. Why does my wife threaten violent things when I imitate the sounds of the vuvuzela? I am quite good at sounding just like one. I don't really understand her anger. I only made the noises while the game was on. I took a break during half time and stopped immediately following the game. There was only like 3 minutes of stoppage time so we are only talking 93 minutes. She carried on well after the game was over. Really started to drive me nuts. It was only the first game. I hope she doesn't keep this up the rest of the cup. Her complaining can be sooooo annoying sometimes.

Swine

Because of stagnant sales, The National Pork Board plans to replace its 23 year old slogan "The other white meat." The V.P. of the Des Moines based board said "It did its job, for sure, back in 1987. It was phenomenal. It really changed minds."

However, sales have been flat and they are looking for something new in hopes of helping sales. This seems a bit rash since the tag line is so widely recognized but, it is their meat and they can do what they want with it.

Now to my point. Now that they are moving on. I call dibs. As soon as it is official that they have a new slogan, I am taking "The other white meat."

Thank you for your support

an open letter to office etiquette offenders

When you use the office bathroom and "blow it up" there is etiquette to follow. One, the next person shouldn't have to walk right into a room of death. Although, this is quite funny if you are able to see the facial expressions they make while you maintain a straight face like you have no clue what is happening and thus avoid any suspicion. Secondly, the next person in line is likely to end up with the blame after they come out. It is quite traumatic to be blamed for stench that you did not cause. So, if you cause the wallpaper to peel in the office bathroom you have duties. You should:

1. Provide a courtesy flush as needed


2. Utilize any aromatic sprays that are provided


3. Light a candle if there is one available


4. Leave the fart fan on


5. Last, and probably most important... sign your work

Here is how to sign your work, by leaving the fart fan on as you exit, some may notice depending on the positioning of the restroom to the rest of the office. If this is not sufficient you should stand in the doorway, clearing your throat to gain attention and proclaim "do NOT.…… go in there!"

I take pride in my work but don’t want to take the credit for someone else’s.

Thank you

Mr. Manners

this just in.... the "News" is pathetic

Don't you just love how "news" outlets get hooked on a subject and for the next week or two seem to want to report anything they can about the "hot" topic until the next "interesting" distraction comes along. It gets so bad sometimes I wish would take a direct hit from a hurricane.

First, we had "The Swamp Master" who had his arm nearly bitten off by an alligator. I see this story like the first documented case of a virus. Much like the first person known to have the swine flu. This is "patient zero"

Then, on Memorial Day, an 8 foot alligator was seen strolling through a Palm Harbor neighborhood. Instead of waiting for an experienced trapper, a sheriff's deputy lassoed the beast with a contraption he made, jumped on it and had it in cuffs after a short struggle. This would have not been news worthy had the gator simply been trapped and removed. I will dub it news worthy only because the deputy was crazy. I am not jumping on the back of an 8 foot alligator simply because I have seen it done successfully on television. The Crocodile Hunter didn't die of old age.

Next, a 7 foot alligator is found inside a Tampa Middle school on a Monday morning. The school is right next to a river. It is believed it got in on Friday and spent the weekend inside the school. Luckily no child was hurt. The school principal said they are going to look at how they secure the fence to make sure it is secure. um....I think that might be a good idea. Again, I will give the news this one. It was a story worth telling.

Now, this news hits today. Here is the story verbatim.

"A large alligator is under a vehicle at 607 S. Missouri Ave. in Lakeland, Police said. An officer is at the scene, and a trapper has been called. The alligator hissed as the owner tried getting into the vehicle, police said. Stay with TBO.com for updates." Please notice the second word in the story, LARGE. The caption under the photo reads "The Lakeland gator is the second to tangle with humans in two days in the area"

The pictures above are

1. 8 foot alligator in Palm Harbor neighborhood

2. 7 foot alligator inside Tampa middle school

3. the "large alligator" that was under a person's vehicle in Lakeland.

I will be scanning the wire for any stories about aggressive lizards.

Romance on a beer budget

Where do I start? Goodwill is holding its annual "Wedding Gown Gala" today at the location in Oldsmar. Dozens of women, maybe close to 100 women were at Goodwill at the crack of dawn to get in to buy a gown at a fraction of normal costs. On the surface I thought, now these are great women. This is where you find a real keeper (if they weren't already engaged to be married). Any woman who is willing to buy a wedding gown at Goodwill gets a check mark in my book. Now if only they'd earn the second check mark by putting her stamp of approval on my tuxedo t-shirt...but I digress… back to the “ladies.”

As I read deeper I find out that these aren't recycled dresses. How much does a wedding dress really get used unless you are like a girl I have been told wears hers to do housework. Apparently she says, she hates housework and by wearing her wedding gown it makes it more enjoyable. No, these are wedding gowns donated by local bride shops. One of the bridesmaids, Kat Lacy (love the name) was first in line at 3:30am. She said she and the bride were willing to grab every dress in her size and then bargain with other women. Lacy said "I had a dream that me and her and, like, a bunch of people came out, and we had black marks on our eyes. We were game to go." After trying on seven dresses the bride settled on a $1500 gown that she got for $125. Lacy said, "It's for charity. It's all for a good cause." RIGHT. It sounds like they wouldn't have been there if the proceeds weren't going to charity. It sounds very charitable to have plans on grabbing up every gown you could and then bargaining with other women. Goodwill only allowed about 10 women at a time in to minimize chaos. Wussies. I say, open the doors, stand to the side with a video camera and have Tom Bergeron from America's Funniest Home Videos on speed dial.

Finally, there is a comment after the story online that it "kind of takes the romance out of the best part of planning a wedding." What part is that? Spending money? Take the price tags off the dresses. Can't you have the same "romance" searching for a dress inside the 4 walls of Goodwill as you can inside the 4 walls of an expensive dress shop? And, as a plus, you can arm yourself with a baseball bat or hockey stick from sporting goods if needed.

G.T.M.I. (Get The Man In)? I say G.T.M.T.F. (Get The Man To First)

Anyone who has ever watched football on television and listened knows this:

If your football team's offense can't effectively throw the ball, the defense will crowd the line of scrimmage ("put eight men in the box") to stop the run. If the defense knows your offense is one dimensional, they won't worry about covering your receivers so much and will concentrate on preventing you from running the football. Even the best running backs have a hard time picking up yards if there are no holes.

Turn this around. If your team can't run the ball but has a good passing game, the defense will drop more into coverage sacrificing run defense at the line of scrimmage. The teams with too much pride will continue to throw the ball into the teeth of the defense with reduced chance for success.

OK, now stay with me. I am not a Michael Vick fan but why did he experience some offensive success when he was at his best? Was it because he ran the ball? I don't think so. I think it was because the defense was worried about him running the ball. He wasn't successful when he played conventional NFL offense, handing off and throwing the ball. Defenses could handle this. He wasn't successful when he repeatedly ran the ball. Good defenses could handle this (ask the Bucs). He was most successful when he ran just enough to make the other team worry that he might run and in turn would have to devote a "spy" to only worry about him running and not play in the normal 11 man defensive scheme.

Now to my point… Carlos Pena, to me, is Don "Air" Coryell. He loves to heave the ball deep to Charlie Joiner and Kellen Winslow. It is exciting. It is sexy. It earns you lots of money. Here is the problem. It is easy to defend. "Air" Pena needs to swallow his pride and prove to the defense that he is a threat to hand the ball off (slap one to left) or he might even pull a quarterback naked bootleg (bunt down the third base line). He doesn't have to do it much. The defense just has to be worried that he might do it and they will have to defend it with their fielders and with their pitching strategy.

Dan Fouts threw for all these yards to Charlie Joyner and Kellen Winslow and led the league in total offense in 1985. People may not realize that in 1985 the Charger's running back Lionel James, a mere 5'6" and 171lbs, set the record for NFL all purpose yards (2535), receiving yards for a running back (1027) and led the AFC in receptions (86). Defenses that dropped deep into coverage paid the price by giving up yardage underneath.

Come on Carlos, at least THREATEN to run the ball. Make the defense cover that and the passing lanes will open up to right field.

On the bright side, it looks more and more like Carlos won't be leaving for a big free agent contract.

ENOUGH ALREADY

I almost can't stand to watch the Rays on television anymore. No, it is not poor play of late. It is not Kevin Kennedy. It is not even Matt Garza spitting 15 times between every pitch. It is the commercials, or rather one commercial in particular, that will make the most sane person consider running head first into their television.

If you have watched a Rays game on television, you have seen it.

"Wayne County High School and West Jones "The Rivalry". It went from 0 to 60 at the snap of a finger." blah blah blah "Wayne County drops down and runs the table and goes 9-0, the next year we're 9-0 and that game just explodes." "When you play a Marcus Boyles team of Wayne County, you've gotta beat 'em. They're not gonna give you nothin."

Now I don't care how big this Mississippi high school football rivalry is. I don't want to see it, I don't want to hear about it and I really don't want to hear the same commercial about it over and over again throughout the Rays' game. Who wants to watch a high school football game unless you went to that school (or are otherwise connected to the school), you know someone who plays on the team or you are scouting someone for college?

With the huge increase in viewership of Rays' games, shouldn't the commercials experience an upgrade as well?

There was a story in the St. Pete Times from Palm Harbor that the Witch's Brew (a coffee and ice cream store) and Oak Trail Books (a metaphysical bookstore) are hosting a green-oriented event called "Heal the Gulf: Paths to Sustainability".

The event will feature a variety of local eco-friendly vendors and presentations on green technology, clean renewable energy alternatives to oil and ways to heal the Gulf of Mexico after the oil spill.

Presentations will include:

1. a water blessing for the gulf (this should help)




2. a poetry reading focusing on the oil spill (this could make the biggest difference of all. I hope BP is listening)




3. an art therapy session using art to process emotions related to the catastrophe (it is ALWAYS productive to finger paint your feelings and make a tongue depressor picture frame for your art)




4. a talk by a psychotherapist on ways to deal with the stress related to the spill. (I am going to go out on a limb and guess the person giving this talk has received their degree from a very prestigious online institution of higher learning. In the words of the late Billy Mays...."HERE'S HOW TO ORDER")

This all sounds very productive but this type of event is not new. They used to hold these events at least as far back as the 1960s (and I am sure well before). I am trying to remember...I don't recall what they called them 50 years ago but I recall hearing something about a bunch of guys sitting in a circle... hmmm.... circle something....dang....I don't remember. I bet they were all jerks though.

Every level of government is in budget crisis mode. They are all scrambling to find ways to pay for all the “services” they provide or risk hurting themselves politically by making needed cuts. Having this in mind, I read a story recently about the shooting at Publix in Tarpon Springs back in March. This is where the fired employee came back, shot and killed the snitch that got her fired and was subsequently shot and killed by a Tarpon Springs Police officer, Sgt. Mike Trill. Follow me here, the suspect, Arunya Rouch, shot and killed a man in the parking lot of a busy supermarket and then ran into the store. Police went in to look for her. They spotted her, ordered her to show her hands and to get on the ground. She retreated down an aisle and fired multiple shots at the police. One of the officers was hit, luckily in his utility belt. Sgt. Trill fired multiple rounds while continuing to order her to drop the weapon. He saw a live round roll on the floor and heard a noise that sounded like the suspect was reloading. The suspect fired again. Sgt. Trill shot, hitting her several times until she ceased firing back. She died from her wounds. This may seem like a long way to get to my point but here it is… The F.D.L.E. took almost 2 months to investigate (who knows how many man hours) and released a 150-page report saying that Sgt. Trill’s actions were justified. Two months and 150 F’ing pages??? A woman is seen shooting and killing someone in a supermarket parking lot in the middle of the day. She runs into the open store with who knows how many employees and customers. Police go in looking for her to stop her and to protect people in the store. She refuses to drop the weapon and surrender but instead fires her Browning 9mm handgun enough to empty it and only pauses to reload it and continue shooting endangering anyone in range and actually striking one officer, luckily, in his belt. What could possibly take 150 pages to write about? I remember having to write 10 page reports in middle school on some topic like World War 2 and having to stretch my words to come up with 10 pages. How much money do you think tax payers spent on a 150-page report saying Sgt. Trill’s actions were justified? Don’t worry; I am sure a couple of productive speed traps will pay for it. Nothing like raising taxes by way of the radar gun.

Why are MLB umpires such sacred cows? Sport leagues come down hard on any player, coach, manager or owner who says anything regarding the officiating of a game. Why? Why do they get a free pass to be above public scrutiny from the people whose lives they affect?

I agree with this stance in children’s athletics where, for the most part, you are dealing with volunteers. Even then, you have officials that act irresponsibly by becoming part of the game rather than just enforcing the rules. It kills me to watch a little league umpire emphatically “punch out” or do a “pull the string” strike out performance to a 9 to 12 year old kid who already feels bad enough for striking out. I want an umpire to be sure of his decision and make a call in the field that is quick and decisive so there is no question of what the call was but I don’t need an umpire moon walking from behind the catcher and look like he is pull starting a 5 horse power Briggs and Stratton lawn mower as a 10 year old kid slinks back to his dugout in front of teammates, coaches, friends and family that include crazy Uncle Mike. Just make a fist and raise your right hand. Everyone who needs to know will know what just happened. YOU are not the story of the game. If you want to be the story of the game, join a bowling league and wear an ugly shirt with your nickname embroidered on the back

Now, back to the professionals. You are paid, and paid well, to do your job. Get the call right most of the time. Be consistent. I will cut you some slack if it is a very close play that is near impossible to judge by the naked eye. I do not give you a pass when a call is so bad that even the team that gets the advantage of your bad call feels awkward and has to mutter to themselves “wow”.

When you get the call wrong, be ready to be criticized. This may happen abruptly with a public verbal beat down (be thankful it is just verbal) or it may happen in the press. If you don’t want to be called out for doing a pitiful job… do your job right. Why is it MLB allows umpires to basically bait and incite a “scream down” and then penalizes the player/coach for doing it but not the ump? Isn’t the ump supposed to be the level headed one who controls the situation, not the untouchable wanna-be bully? I say we take a page from the NHL. If two guys want to fight, we let them. Just don’t allow a 3^rd man in. I would have loved to see Joe Maddon square off with Bob Davidson. Let them go. I bet he tightens up his strike zone if he knows he has to answer for it.

Is it really over?

I was left disappointed with the ending of 24. They tell us the show has run its course and is time to end. Well if that is the case, end the show in a way that doesn’t leave an opening for someone to say, “well, if the money is right we could do another season at some point or we could do a movie”

When M.A.S.H. ended, you knew it was over. They didn’t leave you wondering if they were going to fabricate a story line where North and South Korea would have continuing conflict years later. Wait…bad example, but you get my point. When Bob Newhart woke up from his dream, you knew there was no going back. If you are ending a series then damn it …end it!

If the show is 100% over then end it with no possibility of continuation. Don’t let the star character slip off into hiding like he had done multiple times to end previous seasons only to resurface for another go-round.

I would have much preferred to see a brutal ending to a brutal character. Send Jack Bauer off in a blaze of glory. Or, end it like Blazing Saddles. Have Kiefer get drunk and drive off the set. Show him getting pulled over for DUI. He could break free, make a run for it and proceed to head butt rude fashion designers.